You smell the coffee that sits on the bedside cabinet
Long before your alarm goes off at six
Your wife is in the kitchen
You hear her toiling
You wonder what time she’d been up since
Where she gets the energy from
She was up watching movies on her Samsung
Long after you fell asleep,
She still had 45 minutes left on her show
By the time you drifted off
Your knee creaks as you leave the bed
From that rugby injury in 2015
Another few minutes it’ll be your back
From that time you crashed your bike
Your erection sticks out like a Native American tee-pee
So you stick it into the elasticated band of your underpants
It’s massive and it has veins
And you fluff out your T-shirt to hide it
You walked hunched forward to the kitchen
Hoping that the kids are still asleep
She sees your erection,
But not yet love
You grab your pack of Rothmans for that morning smoke
You step outside the door
And enjoy the cold morning breeze on your warm body
You can stand upright now
Nobody can see your member, it’s just you
You place the fag in your lips
And a piece of tobacco touches your tongue
What kind of mad bastard Mayan cunt discovered tobacco you think
He must’ve known it’s not for eating
It burns as you flick it off.
The glim from the lighter lights up the morning darkness
As you take in the first few puffs
The best ones
The taste of the smoke compliments the coffee beautifully
Gorgeous
It takes six minutes and you flick the depleted butt into the pot plant
You are engulfed with pleasure of what is to come next
That familiar rumble in your tummy
Full of life you step back into the house
She is there, looking at you in your undies
But your erection is gone
This excitement is reserved for the toilet
The morning poop.
The happiest part of your day.
Kia ora koutou, you absolute shower of pisswiches.
I’m a foolish, foolish man.
I’ve mentioned my affinity for motorcycles before, and I decided to use it for work last night. I’ve been relegated to running our nightshift, because my boss and I had a disagreement about the occupational health and safety on how we will get this school books thing out to market.
I knew that the weather was not going to be good for riding, but I did it anyway, and as per forecasted, I got caught in a foreboding storm on my way home. Now I feel a little bit under the weather.
Not a great time to get the sniffles.
Freezing at midnight
I bring up the work thing because my superiors at work are still not talking to me.
A year ago I might have felt a little bit worried or maybe a little bit sad, or I would feel a drop in my self-esteem.
Sure, it’s not pleasant when I take the long way to the kitchen to get a coffee at the moment, but I try to not let it fuck up my day. I tend to lash out when I’m in argument and sometimes I would get really angry. Not to the point of engaging in physical violence, but I won’t be afraid to tell him to stick his job up his gout infected rectum.
This is not a good time to be looking for a job, so I do what I can to both look after my employment and my own mental health.
This all comes down to self-esteem.
When someone mentions self-esteem, quite often it is often confused with confidence. Confidence and self-esteem are totally different things. Confidence is task based, it is a word to describe a high likelihood of you or anyone else partaking or completing a set task.
Self-esteem however, is a measurement you place on your own entire existence.
I’m going deep on this one lads.
The reason why I am not getting too upset about my situation at work is because I don’t measure my own self esteem by what is outside of myself. If you base your self esteem on what others think of you, you’ll be heading for some serious mental health issues down the road. It is impossible for everyone to like you.
I step on a lot of toes, and if I consider how all these people who don’t like me feel about me, I won’t be able to do the things I do and thus lose my own identity which incidentally, will impact my own self- esteem.
Is this making sense?
Pretty good door stopper
Another big one.
I dabble in many things that put me out of my comfort zone. I do this on purpose, because I enjoy learning new shit.
I have the rhythm of a white man and the fingers of a disabled guerilla, but I have decided to learn the guitar. I’m pretty shit at it, but I try not to get too upset or caught up in the stress of not being able to master it.
You must never base your self-esteem on one aspect of your behaviour because human beings are too complex to do this.
When you feel that someone is better than you, that means that you have low esteem.
When you feel that you are better than someone else, this also means you have low self-esteem
The best way to maintain good self-esteem is to keep telling yourself this line. “Nobody is better than me, and I am better than nobody else.”
Don’t get me wrong, humans do require some recognition from time to time, but be mindful from where it is coming. Does this person have low self-esteem? Are they trying to protect or damage my self-esteem? Are they cunts?
I write daily.
I do at least 3K words per day, even if it’s just notes or Facebook posts. I don’t actually give a fuck about my job, but I put a lot of my own personity and value into my writing. I take praise with a pinch of salt and I make sure I don’t let criticism discourage me, but educate me. Just the other day, I got asked if I could use the word ‘cunt’ less. I’m really trying to do that.
Here’s how I am able to be so impermeable to both positive and negative criticism when it comes to my writing.I know that both of these are equally damaging to my self-esteem. The negative criticism is obvious.
If I take on board too much of the positive stuff, I will climb up my own butthole and think I’m the shit.
The benefits of self-esteem is a lot more than just being content, it can branch off into gratitude, motivation and things like procrastination. Heaps of stuff.
So essentially this is what I believe is good for my own self-esteem.
I don’t have any external means of influence on my self-esteem, instead I rely on an internal locus of evaluation.
I don’t place any real expectations on anyone else.
I firmly believe that nobody is better than me, and that I am no better than anyone else.
This is something that I read up on extensively, so if you want me to talk about this in depth, let me know.
Cheers
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